Tiny Women in Fur Coats

We've been busy!

2005-02-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

Just hanging around, licking and fighting. It's been so blah.

Oh, yeah. It snowed. Twice. Not more than 4" for both times. How dull. Christmas and New Year's passed without no fanfare or excitement. The Fat One now has an XBox and plays it all the time while The Baker continues to go to work early, comes home and naps for 2 hours and then goes to class until very late.

We don't see them often and it's tough. Mouse runs around the house and mews. I admit to doing the same. We miss them horribly and wish they were home more often.

We're hoping with the change from winter to spring, they'll have a little more energy and spend more time awake and alert instead of rushing around like crazed maniacs. Mouse has been bugging me to write more, but I've just been too bummed.

We'll give them a couple more weeks and then we start pooping in their shoes.

Presents!

2004-12-18T19:18:00.000-05:00

While they'e watching a Tivo'd Survivor finale, I'll take a couple of minutes to tell the world how wonderful our humans are. They bought us a nice comfy bed! It's big enough for me and Mouse too, it's warm and will provide me with a warm spot anywhere I can drag it. I won't puke in their shoes for at least a week!

And, of course, some people are desperate for money:

Meds up to 50% Off
***HOT SPE CIALS***
We run a Canadi ian Phar rmacy that will
save you thousands of dollars each year on the
exact same medicine you buy in the United States
- Vicod iin, Xan nax, Vall ium, and Cii alis and more
- No doctor visits or hassles
- Quick delivery to your front door
Vi isit our site.

With all those extra spaces in the words, this email got past our mail filter. Now I'll have to reconfigure everything.

The forecast:
MonDec 20
Partly Cloudy / Wind
28°/17°
10 % Chance Rain

It's gonna get damn cold. I hope the Fat One doesn't decide to open the windows and freeze us out!

Well, back to the new bed!

Sunny Days, Cold Nights

2004-12-16T09:43:00.000-05:00

Brrr! It's cold outside. When Daddy turns on the balcony Christmas lights, I have this sudden urge to venture out. But, when that darn cold air hits my beautiful harlequin face, I turn tail and run!

However, I do like it when the sun is shining, like today and I can get warm. I spread my six little toes and get comfy! I like the sun, I like food and I love Daddy and Mommy! (but only Daddy gives us a can of tuna every now and then)

Well, they have the Christmas tree up. I really prefer the real thing to the genuine faux trees. The smell isn't the same, but I understand their need to conserve the trees for out little furry friends in the wild. That's what I love about them; their need to be responsible citizens of the planet. Too bad there aren't more like them.

It's been quiet. No squirrels and no birds. We're awfully bored. Every now and then, Pig and I will get into a little fight just to get the blood flowing again. It's nothing serious and it doesn't really hurt, but I'll get my fair share soon.

I've gotta go. The sun is really bright and full of wonderful rays. Gotta catch me some!

C U L8R,
Mouse

Winter Blues

2004-12-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

Ugh! I despise cold days, rainy days and blah days. We've had maybe a couple of sunny days in the past two weeks. I'm depressed and constantly tired. I think I've got S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).

Well, it's been quiet. Nothing new. Not at all. The squirrels are mostly hibernating on the wet days and not to be seen on the sunny days. The birds are moshtly gone. Mouse is down too. At least it'll be Christmas soon. I think we're getting a massive dish of wet food for our Christmas dinner. I just hope they don't try and put a cutesy sweater on me again and try to take a picture. I'll poop in their shoes if the try.

Well, I want to give a shout to my pal Hopkin Green Frog. http://www.lostfrog.com

And a communication has been received:

Diiscounts on Mmeds
SAVE up to 80% on Popullar Mmeds!
**HOT SPEC+IALS**
We run a Canadiaan Pharrmacy that will
save you thousands of dollars each year on the
exact same medicine you buy in the United States
- Vicoddin, Xanaax, Valiuum, and Ciialis and more
- No doctor visits or hassles
- Quick delivery to your front door

Vissit our site.

First, cats don't need Xanax, Valium or Cialis. Second, I've got CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield. And third, I'm relaxed enough already and I don't have a wee-wee. I wish they'd get it straight.

Ta ta for now!
Pig

Is it Catsmas?

2004-11-29T21:25:00.000-05:00

Hi there! It's Her Imperial Majesty, Mouse again!

Been surfing the net and found a few things I want for Catsmas:

http://search.ebay.com/cat-toy_Pet-Supplies_W0QQcatrefZC12QQsacategoryZ1281QQsosortorderZ1QQsosortpropertyZ1

886 items of pure joy! I would also accept anything from:http://www.fancyfeast.com/

Hey, I found a new toy! Shoelaces! I can untie them from Mommy's shoe and have some fun. Chasing the string around the house is kinda like pure heaven!

Oh well. I'll talk to y'all later!

Mouse

Alternative Foods

2004-11-28T20:55:00.000-05:00

Dear Kelloggs, Kraft Foods, Unilever and Del Monte,

I'd like to suggest some new products aimed at the Cat demographic. You've all overlooked us for too long. Here are my ideas for new foods based on cat preferences:

1. Mice Krispies
2. Rat-atouie in a can
3. Cup O' Squirrel
4. Instant Goatmeal
5. Slim Fast Tuna flavored shakes (in case I diet)

Thanks,

Pig and Mouse

Happy Turkey Day!

2004-11-25T16:01:00.000-05:00

I love turkey. I love Daddy. If you can't tell that it's me, Mouse, then you're high on gravy!

It's Thanksgiving day! They're both home and I got some bacon this morning. I'll get some turkey as soon as they get home. I hope they'll have some gravy. I love gravy!

Did Pig tell you that I got some squirrel? It was fantastic! What a rush! I'm still in shock and can't stop thinking of hearing his little heart beat as I held his life in my mouth. I didn't want to hurt him. Much. Well, maybe a little. But it was more about the chase. I like to run around the house like my tail's on fire! You should try it. It's so liberating.

Okay. Pig is sitting in the sunlight recharging. She's so old, she was converted from steam powered to solar powered. :-)

It's a wonderfully lazy day. Oh, gotta run, the squirrels are back.

Ta ta!

Squirrels 3, Mouse 1

2004-11-23T18:41:00.000-05:00

She did it! She actually got a hold of a squirrel. Mind you, it was only for a brief second, but she got one.

It was a nice Friday morning. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and it was a beautiful 68 degrees. The Fat One had left the door partially ajar and we managed to get it open. My associate had provided some bait (a nice ripe apple we pinched from the kitchen) and just waited. No fancy machines, no elaborate plan. She was going to pounce on the squirrel and hang on for dear life.

Well, along came the fatest damn squirrel I've ever seen. It must have been a good 10 pounds. And it had a set of onions like I've never seen before. She pounced and grabbed the squirrel by the neck and the rodeo began.

First, the squirrel and Mouse were so amazed that it had happened that they both just froze. Mouse didn't know what to do next and neither did the squirrel. After a minute, the squirrel began to buck and screech. What a noise! Screaming squirrels sure are loud!

Mouse looked more like a cowgirl than a cat. She wouldn't let go and the squirrel kept trying to get away. Finally, the squirrel did a little flip and got loose and bolted for the trees. What a scene! Mouse was looking around with a little fur in her mouth and a tad dazed. It was like she had just gone through the Matterhorn ride.

After a couple of minutes of disbelief, she realized what she had accomplished and started to strut and prance around the patio. A little victory dance was in order and she hammed it up. I still can't belive my eyes. A 10 pound squirrel and a 8 pound Mouse going at it.

Well, it's been nearly a week and she still can't shut up about it. "I got me a little squirrel action!" is all she can say in between embellishing the story and adding on to it. I hope she'll shut up soon.

Well, back to sleep. I've got an upset tummy and I've been barfing on the rug.

Toodles!

Mmmph!

2004-11-15T18:28:00.000-05:00

It's me. I'm not sure if I like being called "Doink" or "One Marble Mouse". I'd much rather prefer "Her Imperial Highness, Mouse".

Oh, Daddy (or as Pig calls him The Fat One) gave in! Sucker! I got loud enough to give us some more wet food. I do love him a lot. He's big and squishy, but he gives good cheek scratch!

Well, you've read, I'm not doing so well agains the squirrels. I did find a nifty site that advertises traps.

http://www.lancenich.f9.co.uk/squirrel%20&%20fox%20traps.htm

I'm not sure though. It might pin either Pig or yours truly. I'll have to keep searching.

I WILL CATCH ONE IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!

10-4 Good Buddy. Mouse out.

Squirrels 3 Mouse 0

2004-11-14T15:12:00.000-05:00

The Baker and The Fat One were out shopping on a beautiful day so I thought my associate could try her latest plan: Operation Nitwit.

We jimmied the door open and Mouse put on a little white robe and opened her mouth, filled it with water and pretended to be a birdbath. The plan was going well until she had to sneeze. Water went everywhere, scared the birds and made a mess.

An hour went by and she tried again to stand very still, acting like a birdbath. Well, she's closer to a birdbrain than anything else. The squirrels weren't fooled. As soon as they got near, they figured it out and started laughing. That pissed her off. She tried to hiss, water still in her mouth and started to drown.

And then Operation Nitwit came to a close. Coughing and swearing in between, she gave it up. At least she's entertaining.

Is it half full or half empty

2004-11-12T23:20:00.000-05:00

Ah. It's late and they're in bed. Talk about your whimps. They can barely stay up after 8pm, no matter what day it is.

The Baker came home from work today sicker than ever. She didn't get her flu shot this year so she's paying for it now. When she talks, she squeaks. When she's congested, she makes this really wierd sound. The Fat One called her the Seven Dwarves of the Flu: Sneezy, Runny, Phlemmy, Squeaky, Whiny, Sleepy and Choughy. That was very funny. And clever.

The Fat One returned from the Asian store with a bag of goodies. Dried squid, seasoned seaweed, and some miso soup stuff. I like the smell of the squid, but find the taste odd and texture to be a little stringy. I like the taste of the seaweed, but can't get over how dry it is. See, half empty, half full.

Well, my Associate is sneezing. I think The Baker spread her germs all over the house and "One Marble Mouse" is sick. Speaking of, she ran headfirst, full speed into the sliding glass window again. She was chasing the squirrels and "DOINK" right against the glass. I'll bet she used to be a real smart and calm cat. Now...

Well, off to bed. It's time for a snooze. At least The Fat One closed some of the windows. It's not nearly as cold as it was earlier.

Another Rainy Day

2004-11-12T10:16:00.000-05:00

I don't mind that the Fat One's off for the weekend. It's not like he's around that much to bother us, but sometimes all the wet food in the world can't stop him.

Okay, up at 6:30am on his day off. He makes coffee, watches the news and then starts to make a real racket. Washing clothes, doing dishes and taking laudry to the cleaners I don't mind. Hey, he even opened a can of tuna for us. BONUS!

But after he comes back from, he starts to cook. The smell of spaghetti sauce fills the air and makes me sleepy. I love it. I don't mind if my associate comes over for a snuggle too. After about an hour of cooking and more laundry, he has to vacuum! The nerve of that man! We hate the noise and no place is safe while he's doing it.

If that isn't bad enough, it's cold outside, rainy and gloomy and he opens all the windows! Damn and inconsiderate hairless ape!

I have a bad feeling for the weekend. No sleep, music, television and The Baker's incessant coughing. It's going to be a long weekend...

However, I do have a theory to catch the squirrels. I'll detail it later, but it involves an anvil, some peanut butter and some string.

Oh My!

2004-11-11T02:25:00.000-05:00

As I live and breath! Whew! I've got a reader! I must thank Fido for those kind words about my posts. I do enjoy writing but after a spell, I can't help but to wonder if anyone is reading!

At the moment, I'm just checking some email between naps. It's awfully cold here so I'm going back to sleep for a few hours and wait for the sun to rise.

I shall return.

Not a good day

2004-11-03T18:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I watched the election news all day yesterday and fell into a strong funk. If only cats could vote, they'd vote for the guy who promises free wet food for all.

After The Baker left and before The Fat One came home, we were glued to the television. Mouse was surfing the net for the latest results, but she kept pulling up images of tom cats in suggestive poses. She's so not right.

In the morning, The Fat One turned on the tube and we sat, listening to the latest news. It was a close race, but each cable news channel had different electoral counts. Such a shame that some are biases and some are pressured to be biased.

In the late morning, we turned on the news again and heard Kerry's speach conceding the election. We then went to our bowls, ate our fill and barfed on the rug in protest. Then we napped.

It's going to be a long four years.

Did you ever notice?

2004-11-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

It's been a tough week. If The Baker is off on the weekends, she does homework and knocks around the house. The Fat One seems to be off on strange days. I tell ya, those two are driving me to my wit's end. Mouse doesn't seem to care though. I think she's a bit on the slow side.

Anyway, while laying in the sun, a few things dawned on me.

Did you ever notice:

When you're fast asleep and dreaming of food, a human will know when to bother you for either a tummy rub or to make enough noise to wake you?
Dogs eat litter box crumbs.
Before the 1900s, cats used to be useful. Now we just take up space, sit on whatever presentation you're working on and demand attention.
If you deny us attention now, then we'll make you pay later.
We aren't finicky about our food. We just like lots of it.
Whatever names you give us, we'll ignore them because we know our real names.
I'm not a kitten. I like it when you play with me like one though.
Dogs are drooling sychophants.
If you're not a cat person, then you're a dog person. Never the twain shall meet. Ever.
If Einstein was so damn smart, then why didn't he have a cat?

I don't mind being a cat. At least I don't have to work, pay bills or worry about the election. Oh, that reminds me. VOTE KERRY-EDWARDS tomorrow. I hear the GWB plans on putting a car in every garage and a cat in every pot.

To quote Chris Rock, "That ain't right!"

Sorry about the delay

2004-10-25T19:42:00.000-04:00

I think they're on to us. Couldn't use the computer almost all weekend. The Baker and The Fat One have been on the damn thing most of the weekend. So much to catch up on.

Well, my associate managed to screw up the spring trap. Instead of hiding, she was in plain view of the squirrels. That seemed to spook them right out of not taking the bait.

She did manage to convince me to try another approach. She wanted to tie a rope around her and me. With that rope, she'd take a full run at the squirrels and hope to catch one before it hits the tree branch. The other end would be tied with me as an anchor.

That didn't work at all. It was mid-morning. The sky was blue and she ran at full speed at the target. She missed the squirrel. The squirrel didn't miss the branch. She did. Right off the balcony as she screamed. I felt the rope's slack start to tighten. Then I started to slide of the balcony. As she fell, I held onto the balcony's railing with all my might. The bounce freaked me out a little, but there she was. Mouse dangling and screaming for me to pull her up. For ten minutes, she swung and thrashed about as I pulled her up.

After that, I was content just to watch the damn rats. On the other hand, she's got a pencil and is drawing something. Time for a nap.

Squirrel Trap

2004-10-21T20:00:00.000-04:00

Oh boy!

An idea came to me last night while snoozing. I can build a better squirrel trap and catch one to "play" with until it stops moving.

As we speak, the humans are not home yet and we've got some time and tools. It would be easier if we had thumbs. Damn evolution!

Okay, we had a few ideas. One was a spring-loaded trap, one a manual pull trap (like you see on the cartoons) and a glue trap. Mouse was insistent on the pull trap. I think she's watching too much Comedy Central. It took an hour to prove that it wasn't effective. She kept pulling the string too hard and the stick flew into her face a couple of times. She got the point after 8 tries. She also runs headfirst into walls. I still think she has "special needs" (I'll tell you about "DOINK" later).

So we've moved onto my idea of a spring loaded trap. I got the little doorstopper as a spring and managed to stretch it out to a more desireable length. That coupled with a couple of odds and ends from around the house, we had a primative trap. I had to nail together some wood and create a platform for the spring. For the hammer, I used a large pot lid. Voila! Trap!

It's a bit large, so we'll hide it under the bed until tomorrow morning. I've got some stale bread for bait and we might have a flat squirrel, if not seriously dazed.

Anyway, we conned The Fat One out of a can of tuna this evening. Mouse could have won an Academy award for her performance. She made the most pitiful mewl I've ever heard. For that performance, I let her have a little more than her share.

Other than acting nonchalant, it's been a quiet day. I hope for a little excitement.

The Fat One is Strange

2004-10-20T19:34:00.000-04:00

Good evening!

Well, I let Mouse have her turn on this thing and now I'm back in control. I might let her back on if she gets me more wet food.

The Fat One was off from work today. He slept until 10am and startled us when he woke up. I barely noticed that he was home. It would have been nice if he had been absent-minded enough to give us a little wet food.

At least he refilled the squirrels dish with peanuts. And left the screen door open. I like to watch the squirrels fight over the nuts but my associate tends to run around like a little idiot when there's activity on the porch.

My day was filled with thoughts of a nice warm spot in the sun, plenty of grooming from a handsome cabana boy while being fed morsels of tenderloin in a nice mushroom sauce. Then I woke up again to a grey and rainy day. I wish it were sunny and warm so I can get back to fantasizing about the cabana boy...

I got to spend a few hours spooning and sharing some warmth from Mouse. I don't mind doing this, but it's a real pain in the arse when she asks for her ears to be licked. On the bright side, she's not a long-haired so there's not much fur to cough up.

Well, it's still cold and rainy so I'm going back to sleep.

My Turn

2004-10-19T17:54:00.000-04:00

Hi! My name is Mouse. I'm the one Pig was talking about. She can be a real computer hog! Get it? Hahahah. I thought I heard a squirrel...

Well, let's see. Today, I napped. The weather is really icky and I was bummed out 'cause there was no sun. :-(

Mommy was home all day. She didn't get any sleep because Pigster was snoring and Daddy was snoring too. I felt really bad for her but I did get to bother her all day! Every time she went into the kitchen, I pleaded for a little bit of wet. Just a little. Comeon! Just a morsel. I won't tell. I was looking for some validation and came up SHORT!

Oh, and Pig took a swipe at me again. I gave it right back and was like, Get Real! I just wanted a little bath near my ears. It's not like I can reach them. But anyway, where was I? Oh, there's a bird.

A fresh start to the week

2004-10-18T19:06:00.000-04:00

Good evening race fans! I've always wanted to say that.

It was a quiet day until the woman I refer to as "The Baker" came home. She was all fussy and wanted to eat and take a nap. Today is the first day of school for her. I leafed through the material she brought home and saw that she's going for grooming type thing. It's about massage and physical therapy. I hope she practices her massage therapy on me. I'm all tense after chasing the sun today.

It was a little sunny and then cloudy. The trouble of days like today is that when I find a sunny spot, the clouds roll in and it gets cold. Then the squirrels come for some food. The humans forgot to leave out some nuts. Again. I'm surprised we're not starving all the time. At least the dry food dish is always full.

While napping, I was pondering the effects of gluons in a Bose-Einstein Condensate. If researchers were able to pull some gluons out of a BEC, then what impact would that have on the quantum state of the electrons? The mass should certainly be thrown off to a Nth degree and the BSE may never happen. It got cloudy and cold right when I was continuing with that though. I hate the cold.

Mouse ran around, got on top of the kitchen countertops and hunted around for some food. Either she didn't find any or she wasn't in the mood to share. Damn these short legs of mine. After they left this morning, she made use of the facilities and did her usual digging to China to cover it up. Such a fastidious kitten.

Well, the male human I'll call "The Fat One" finished eating something yummy that really smelled good. I tried very hard to get a scrap or two. He only gave me the empty plate. How manganimous of him.

Time to watch a little TV with The Fat One and then off to bed.

Good night to all

Sunday Night and the Damn TV

2004-10-17T18:28:00.000-04:00

They're at it again. Always switching between football and HGTV. I wish they'd make up their mind. At least They gave us a pillow to lay on.

A little crunchy dry food snack, a little water and back for a nap in a few minutes. Just wanted to leave a quick note on what we're going to do tonight after the hairless apes go to bed: sleep and then wake them at 2:30am for a little wet food. I wish Fancy Feast would make tins of food that don't require a thumb.

That reminds me. Typing without a thumb makes for a tough time writing. Good thing for spell check. Maybe a little kitty porn later. I like a tom with those burning yellow eyes. Meow!

2004-10-17T18:16:00.001-04:00

Mouse

2004-10-17T18:16:00.000-04:00

Pig

First Post

2004-10-17T17:44:00.000-04:00

Good day to all!

This is our attempt at telling our story about us and our human slaves...uh I mean our human pets. You'll get to know me and my associate and a daily diary. It may not be up to that fictional character that some human writes about (i.e. The Cat Who series by Lillian Jackson Braun) but it will be about us.